11. The practice of singleness

Many Christians who experience SSA practice singleness as an act of devotion to God. If asked, most would probably say that they would not have chosen a life of singleness, but admit that the singleness they practice is no different than any other sacrificial act Christians are called to. There are some who say that God does not demand that same-sex attracted individuals remain single, for the simple reason that singleness, enforced as a kind of celibacy, holds no value if it is compulsory.

Is singleness only ever voluntary?

The Reformation Project, a gay-affirming Christian organization, insists that celibacy is "a gift, not a mandate" and that people with SSA should be permitted to marry someone of the same sex. This claim is a good place to begin our study of the practice of singleness, since it calls into question the very idea of freedom and choice in Christian life, which is where the call to singleness begins.

Merriam-Webster defines freedom as "the state of being free, or the absence of coercion, constraint, or necessity in action or choice." This is a perfectly good definition of freedom as a civil entitlement in a free society. It does not align with scripture, however. Scripture outlines a purpose for human freedom that reaches beyond "absence of coercion, constraint, or necessity in action or choice." As the Bible tells it, we are not, in fact, born free, and this lack of freedom is destructive to our souls. The Fall in Eden left humankind in a state of transgenerational bondage to sin, separating us from God (Isaiah 59: 2) and preventing us from doing good (Psalm 3: 10–12; 14: 1–3; 53: 1–3; Luke 18: 19). Indeed, we are inclined to evil from our earliest moment of life:

The Lord ... said in his heart: “Never again will I curse the ground because of humans, even though every inclination of the human heart is evil from childhood."

—Genesis 8: 21

An inescapable truth of humankind's innate condition is that we actually lack the freedom to choose good. The freedom to choose good originates with God Himself, and is given through Christ:

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

—John 8: 36

The freedom given by Christ exceeds any earthly freedom we might claim: His is a freedom that lasts, but one that can elude us, even now:

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

—2 Corinthians 3: 17

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

—Galatians 5: 1

True freedom

It is apparent that the kind of freedom at issue here is not the "freedom from compulsion or necessity" that Merriam-Webster describes. Our civil freedoms grant us tremendous range of movement and even allow us all sorts of chronic failures as long as we don't overly hurt others. We have, after all, the civil freedom to be stupid (say, by paying too much for something) and even, to some extent, to be evil (say, by cheating on a spouse). But God's Kingdom does not grant freedom in that way. The freedom given to us as believers—the freedom that "makes us free indeed"—is not freedom from compulsion or necessity but rather the freedom to choose what is right. Paul makes this point clear in an oft-quoted statement in Romans 6:

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?  By no means!

—Romans 6: 1–2

In other words, the freedom of Christ enables us to do all sorts of things, but the freedom to act unrighteously is not something Christ has given. The whole point of our freedom in Christ is not so we can indulge in limitless opportunities, but rather to direct us toward the tasks "prepared in advance" for us to do (Ephesians 2: 10). In other words, to empower us to respond to our unique calling.

The call to obedience

God calls every believer to obedience. Sometimes that obedience corresponds to something within our control (Matthew 25; 1 Corinthians 7; 2 Corinthians 9: 7), sometimes not (Exodus 20: 12; Matthew 5: 44; Romans 13: 1). Either way, our calling increases our freedom to do good, but does not increase our freedom from compulsion or necessity. When we look at Church history, in fact, we find that God's calling most often does the opposite:

• Jeremiah was instructed by God not to marry or have children (16: 1). The reason was to spare a wife and children of the coming hardship (see v. 3–4). The fact that any woman in Judah would endure hardship regardless of being married to Jeremiah points us to a deeper symbolism, perhaps similar to Hosea's (1: 2) instruction to take a prostitute as a bride. Whatever the case, Jeremiah's fulfillment of God's calling was a choice. At the same time, this calling did not free Jeremiah from compulsion or necessity. Jeremiah's circumstances are not unusual. What we find, in fact, is that nearly every biblical figure who experienced a special dispensation of God's grace was also asked to give up some degree of freedom. In some cases, it was taken forcibly:

• Joseph was given by his brothers to slavery in Egypt and redeemed from it, bringing glory to God.

• Esther's calling required her to risk her life as well as that of her people, but God used her humility to bring justice.

• Daniel was taken captive by Babylonians but by his obedience to God won the favor of King Nebuchadnezzar.

• John was exiled to the island of Patmos, where Jesus revealed the end times to him in visions.

  
  

For these heroes and heroines of the faith, obedience to God's calling did not require literal enslavement or captivity, however. But in every case, it required a dramatic change in one's way of life, from comfortable to uncomfortable, from secure to insecure, from free agent to servant of God:

• Abraham left the comfort and familiarity of his home city for the danger and uncertainty of the Promised Land.

• Moses left behind his easy life as a prince in Egypt and later his life as a shepherd in Midian. After leading the Israelites from captivity, he bore the full responsibility for interceding between them and God.

• David, as anointed king, was subject to constrant threats, battles, and conflicts.

• Naomi's her life was marked by tragedy and loss, but through her faith she found a new sense of belonging.

• Jeremiah was instructed never to marry or have children, faced opposition and imprisonment for his ministry.

• Hosea was instructed by God to marry a prostitute and have children with her to serve as a living illustration of God's relationship with Israel.

• Amos surrendered a simple life as a shepherd for one that set him up against the powerful and wealthy of his day.

• Mary presumably suffered social stigma and judgment throughout her life.

• John the Baptist dedicated his ministry to preparing the way for the Messiah, then allowed himself to fade from the scene when Jesus was revealed.

• Jesus lived his entire life exclusively in the service of God, without marrying or having children; accepted death in the prime of his life.

• Paul relinquished his high standing to preach the increasingly contentious gospel of Christ.

Paul proclaims that "death is at work" in those who wish to show the life of Jesus in their walk (2 Corinthians 4: 11–12). Peter urges us to "live as God's slaves" (1 Peter 2: 16). These pronouncements must be taken literally. Living in obedience to our calling means yielding not only to a new master but also to the circumstances of our new service. These circumstances restrict and may even erase our worldly freedom altogether. Paul states:

As a prisoner of the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

—Ephesians 4: 1

The call to singleness for SSA people is not a harsh crippling of the soul, but rather an invigoration of the life in us. It is God's Spirit at work! We must not be stymied by the fact that our freedom in Christ encircles us, not like an enemy army hemming us in and canceling our identity, but rather as a perfectly loving embrace that secures us for greater, higher, and truer purposes, just as it did for the heroes and heroines of the past.

Beyond singleness

Modern society fears solitude, especially sexual solitude. Yet singleness need not entail a life of loneliness. As we have seen, anyone who makes himself or herself "like a eunuch" (denying themselves a "normal" sex life for God's sake), may look forward to special favor from God (Isaiah 56: 4–5). Jesus affirms that anything precious that we give up for God's sake will earn us a special inheritance in the Kingdom of God:

Peter answered him, “We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?” Jesus said to them, “Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life." —Matthew 19: 27–29

Jesus sets us free, but our freedom in Him is not like the freedom given to us by worldly authorities. The freedom of Christ is freedom to say yes to His call, which we couldn't answer—let alone act upon—while we were still dead in our sin. That being so, we accept that the Holy Spirit will give us strength and wisdom to fulfill the tasks prepared for us, even while providing boundaries that turn our dependence away from ourselves and onto God—for His glory.

For discussion:

1. In what specific ways does civil freedom (the freedom we have as citizens of a country, for example) differ from the freedom Christ gives us?

2. In his 2018 book Holy Sexuality and the Gospel, Christopher Yuan calls singleness a "gift from God" (chapt. 13). Do you agree with that terminology? In what ways is the singleness practiced by a person with SSA a gift? In what ways is it a vocation—a calling to obedience?

3. Is lifelong singleness necessarily harder for Christians who experience SSA than for those who are heterosexual but unable to find a partner for marriage?