5. Choice, biology, upbringing?

Where does same-sex attraction (SSA) come from? Is it a choice people make, like choosing one flavor of ice cream over another? Is it genetic? Is it the result of upbringing—or maybe a combination of all three?

Is SSA a choice?

Christians often consider that SSA is the result of a choice (or choices) a person has made at some point in their life. From this perspective, it is hard to understand why a person who experiences SSA would not simply “give up” their SSA and choose heterosexuality. The truth, however, is that many who experience SSA—including many Christians—resist their SSA and even pray that it will go away. If SSA was ever a choice, it does not seem to be one that a same-sex attracted person can simply "unchoose."

Some people report dramatic changes in sexual attraction due to prayer or therapeutic intervention, but these results are rare. In most cases, God allows SSA to persist in the lives of even the most devout, Christ-loving men and women, sometimes for years or even decades. All sexual attraction brings temptations that must be managed successfully, with God’s help. As we have seen, it is how a person acts on their attractions that determines whether they have sinned or are living a sinful lifestyle.

A Christian who experiences SSA may accept SSA as a fact about what they go through on a day-to-day basis, interacting with people of the same sex. This is not a concession, however, because at the same time, most same-sex attracted Christians I know also trust God to carve a path for them through their SSA, to help them live above it, not in submission to it. An SSA Christian may not have chosen their SSA, but they can still choose to live in sexual uprightness before God and grow in purity before Him.

Are SSA people born that way?

Extensive research on this question now goes back decades. Some of the research suggests that SSA may have a genetic or congenital component. These findings are actually irrelevant to the question of morality. It is a stretch to think that genetic predispositions should dictate morality. Research has linked genetics to violent behavior and lying, among other things, but who would think that a person should be free to be violent or lie their way through life simply because it's "in their genes?" In the same way, conclusions made by studies identifying a genetic or congenital basis for SSA have no bearing on the morality of same-sex sexual acts. Morality isn’t dictated by our genes, but rather is given to us by the Holy Spirit when we come to faith in Christ.

That is the very essence of being born again:

“Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.”

—John 3: 3​

The Apostle Paul reiterates this point:

[I]f anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

—2 Corinthians 5: 16-17

Christian theologian Christopher Yuan, who experiences SSA, sums it up brilliantly this way:

It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born an alcoholic; you must be born again. It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born a liar; you must be born again. It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born a porn addict; you must be born again. It doesn’t matter whether you think you were born with any other sexual sin struggle; you must be born again.(1)

If there is a genetic or congenital component to SSA, it makes no difference for how a person lives their life. Believers in Christ are new creations, and the only genetics that matter are the genetics of the Holy Spirit.

Is SSA the result of upbringing?

Let's be honest: upbringing plays a role in establishing every human lifestyle or mindset. That being so, the question we should be asking is, “What role does upbringing play in one’s rebirth in the Holy Spirit?” The answer is none. Jesus did not say that everyone needs to be reborn except people with a certain kind of upbringing. If we are to believe that the spiritual rebirth Jesus spoke of in John 3: 3 is a real thing, then we must conclude that no detail of our upbringing, however traumatic it may be, poses a hindrance to the healing blood of Christ.

Sin actually runs much deeper than any evil action that played out around us or was inflicted on us by others when we were young. Sin is an illness of the human spirit. That explains why God sent humanity a savior to die for human sin, because the problem wasn't our upbringing or some aspect of our environment. Christian theologian Christopher Yuan puts it like this:

[I]f our environment causes us to sin, then there’s no need for Jesus—all we need is a better environment. His death on the cross is then insufficient, and justification and sanctification depend on human effort.(2)

Jesus came to save us from sin, because sin is what stands between us and God:

Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.

—Isaiah 59: 1–2

The cause of SSA

There are different theories as to why SSA exists. Here are two commonly held views:

Option 1 is appealing, but it has major problems. It is one thing to say that human beings are sinful, and another to say that God actually prewires us for a certain kind of sin. There is no biblical evidence for this. On the other hand, there is plenty of reason to believe that God created all things "good" (since He is good), but that all creation—including humankind—has been tainted:

He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just.

—Deuteronomy 32: 4

This only have I found: God created mankind upright, but they have gone in search of many schemes.

—Ecclesiastes 7: 29

Also, option 1 requires that God is the root cause of same-sex sexual temptation, since it means He must have created people with a specific pattern of temptation in mind. But this goes against God's character:

Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrongdoing.

—Habbakuk 1: 13

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.

—James 1: 13

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

—1 John 1: 5

If there is no darkness at all in God, how can He foreordain a person's life for any kind of temptation? We cannot claim that God does this without forcing God into the role of arhcitect of temptations, making Him really no different from Satan in this regard. It is a role utterly inconsistent with His character.

Option 2, which sees SSA as a product of the Fall, avoids the horrific move of casting God as Tempter-in-Chief, and grants that SSA is a vulnerability like any other, not part of God's design. It is true that some of the vulnerabilities we are born with were planned, but a good many others were surely not, and exist in our bodies because all of creation is in bondage to decay:

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. —Romans 8: 22–23

This the commonly-held view among the most highly credited theologians today. For example:

We live in a fallen world. Creation has been affected by our sin. It has been "subjected to frustration" (Romans 8 v 20). There is sickness. There is disorder. I affects our bodies, our hearts, and our minds as well.

—Sam Allberry, Is God Anti-Gay?, p. 41

We must turn to the perspective of the Fall. (...) Our sex and sexuality, designed to result in Joyful intimacy, is often experienced, at least in part, as a cause of alienation and pain. (...) Sin has corrupted every part of us, including our sexual desires. In one sense, none of us is "straight"; we are all crooked.

—Vaughan Roberts, Full of Grace and Truth, pp. 17–18

[O]ur capacity for sexual relationships is part of God's extremely good design. (...) But Genesis also shows us that our rejection of God's rule has blighted every aspect of our lives, not least our sexuality.

—Rebecca McLaughlin, Does the Bible Affirm Same-Sex Relationships? p. 18

In summary, SSA is not a choice, but a person may choose (or not) to indulge same-sex desire, just as they may choose to pursue any other desire. If genetics play a role in SSA, this does not legitimize same-sex acts, but rather lends support to the idea that SSA is a by-product of our fallenness, just like our imperfect bodies and minds. Our upbringing, likewise, may have been rocky or abusive, but this too is because our parents and families are imperfect and fallen in their own ways. Fortunately, genetics and upbringing are no match for the Holy Spirit of God.

For discussion:

1. Augustine of Hippo argued that even though humans have free will, since the Fall of mankind we lack moral liberty. What light does this argument shed on the commonly held notion that same-sex attracted people are free to choose heterosexuality—if they wish?

2. Ponder further the idea that God predetermines various aspects of our being, such as hair and eye color, height as an adult, personality traits, and imperfections. Why is it extraordinary to suggest that God would create us with a vulnerability to certain kinds of sin?

3. If tomorrow scientists found conclusive and irrefutable evidence of a "gay gene," what would your response as a Christian be?

References:

(1) Christopher Yuan, 2018, Holy Sexuality and the Gospel: Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God’s Grand Story. Colorado Springs: Multnomah.

(2) Yuan, p. 36.