Three keys to effective LGBT+ ministry

Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

—Psalm 30: 4

Lots of questions are coming up in the church. "Someone in my family has SSA. What do I do?" Or maybe, "Someone in my family is transgender. What should I do?" When I get questions like these, I strive to have two things in my response: compassion and truth. We are called to both:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. —Colossians 3: 12

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. —1 Corinthians 13: 6

It can be hard to strike a balance between compassion and truth, but speaking meaningfully into a person's life always requires both.

But they need to be in the right balance. It is possible to be compassionate or truthful to a fault. Think about this. If you're too compassionate, you might fail to speak light or correction into a person's life when they urgently need it. You might come to identify with their pain or struggle or suffering so strongly that you forget to proclaim the power of God's healing and grace. It is absolutely Christlike to be patient and forgiving when ministering to a non-believer (or a struggling believer), but scripture says nothing about coddling or encouraging someone in an obvious sin. If you do that, you deny the life-changing power of the gospel.

It is also possible to be too truthful. If you endlessly quote scripture and point out sin and error in someone's life, you will probably soon slide into legalism and formulas for living that have an appearance of righteousness but sidetrack from the gospel. You will ultimately make the gospel out to be harsher than it is.

Somewhere between compassion and truth is where you want to strike a balance.

Here are three keys for good ministry to LGBT+ folks that balance truth and compassion in a way that allows Christ's compassion to be made known, and for the truth to shed light. (Disclaimer: But first, consider that this might not be your argument to wade into. Much confusion and anger stems from there being too many voices in the room already. If in doubt, leave the arguing to Christians who have an LGBT+ testimony, as these folks may be better positioned and equipped to navigate the issues and questions, and to do so with the right balance of truth and compassion):

Key 1: Listen

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. —James 1: 19

Listening is important because every LGBT+ person's story is different—profoundly so. An LGB person can usually tell you the exact moment they realized they were same-sex attracted, the first time they had sex with a person of the same sex, and how it made them feel. If at some point they turned their back on their Christian faith, they can usually tell you precisely why. They can tell you how the LGBT+ community embraced them and made them feel loved and valued, and how they have embraced the "gay" lifestyle. So listening to their story, asking questions, and showing interest without judgment is a tremendous affirmation. Not of their lifestyle, but of them as an individual. By listening to their entire story, you inform yourself and you show them that you see them not just as another LGBT+ person in a category, but as a unique person with a unique backstory, complete with unique loves, heartbreaks, needs, and wishes.

By taking the time to really know an LGBT+ person's story, you also paint yourself uniquely in their eyes, as you may very well be the first Christian who has listened to them in this way. Listening is true Christlike compassion in action.

There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. —Ecclesiastes 3: 7

Of these three keys, listening is the easiest and has the biggest payoff, not just for them, but for you. By knowing and understanding an LGBT+ person's facts and details, feelings and struggles, joys and disappointments, you are better equipped to weigh your own words carefully—if and when the Spirit directs you to speak.

Key 2 : Model purity

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality.

—Ephesians 5: 3

Many LGBT+ folks are convinced that Christians have a double standard when it comes to sexual purity. They have seen media exposés of Christian leaders soliciting prostitutes and cheating on their wives or husbands, having secret same-sex affairs. They have seen all the associated cover-ups. They know Christians who cohabitate or who sleep around or go through serial marriages. Unfortunately, LGBT+ folks do not have to look hard at the Christians around them to see all sorts of cracks in their morality. These cracks, and the hypocrisy they embody, are easy evidence that Christians are often in no position to judge the sexual purity of others. And so they should be! To address the sexual purity of another person, our own sexual purity must be under control. Jesus warns:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

—Matthew 7:1–5

What does modeling purity look like? If you are married, it means living a life that shows visible single-minded devotion to your opposite-sex spouse. This is not about putting on a good show. Rather, sexual purity should be such a staple of your private life that it "spills" effortlessly and naturally into your public persona, the side of you that people see. As a single person, modeling purity means living a life that shows visible conscientious effort to remain sexually pure. That means no sex outside of marriage, and avoiding every kind of lewdness.

Why should we be visibly pure? Our sexual purity should be noticeable to other Christians, of course, but it is especially important that it be visible to non-Christians, such as those in your circle of friends or your work colleagues or your immediate or extended family. In these groups, you don't necessarily know how many LGBT people are observing your Christian walk and wondering whether you have something that they want. So you want to make God's purity—chastity and singleness or faithfulness in marriage—look not only possible, but life-giving and satisfying. By the way you live your life, you need to make sexual purity look like something worth defending. (If you don't feel purity is worth embracing privately and publicly, or you don't feel you're up to the task, then perhaps don't get involved in LGBT+ ministry!)

In those days, ten men from the nations of every tongue shall take hold of the robe of a Jew saying let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you. —Zechariah 8: 23

Simply stated, your sexual purity as a Christian sets the tone for a whole crowd of observers in your life, including LGBT+ folks you don't even know are watching.

Key 3 : Play the long game

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. —Galatians 6: 9–10

You know what a long game is. It takes time and it brings things about in the more distant future rather than right now or right away. Examples of playing the long game include investing in the stock market, or planting seeds for the following year, or even final judgment.

There is a time to reap and a time to sow. —Ecclesiastes 9: 6

The inconvenient truth of any long game is that we don't necessarily get to see the fruit of our efforts right away, but we may rest assured that the "harvest" will come in due course.

Opponents must be gently instructed in the hope that God will grant them repentance, leading them to a knowledge of the truth and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil who's taken them captive to do his will. —2 Timothy 2: 25–26

It may take years of patient listening to an LGBT+ person and modeling purity to them before the soil of their heart is receptive to the grace that leads to repentance. But we've got to trust the truth to sink in. Consider that God is working through you and He is playing the long game also. Recovering from the gay lifestyle is like overcoming an addiction and usually takes time, just like recovering from alcoholism or smoking or cussing. From the time God began sowing seeds of faith in my own heart to the time I actually repented was four years, and that's a relatively short period of time compared to other men and women I have known.

Here's a story about a long game. A woman named Angela Yuan prayed for seven years that her son Christopher would repent from the gay lifestyle and turn to Christ. Christopher was convinced he was born gay and that his only option in life—his only pathway to happiness and enrichment—was by pursuing same-sex partners. His mother, however, trusted the truth of God. She told him that she loved him no matter what, and began praying for him. She vowed to God that she would not stop until he'd had a change of heart. Her Bible reminded her that God never gives up, so neither should she. She even fasted from food one day a week for seven years.

After seven years, her prayers were answered. The Spirit worked through circumstances in Christopher's life, and he repented and became a follower of Christ. Today, Christopher Yuan is an ordained minister. He adheres to biblical teaching on sexuality and lives a life of elective abstinence. He's also a powerful voice in LGBT+ ministry. Did you know that every chance he gets, Christopher credits the power of his mother's prayers?

To sum up:

1. Listen

2. Model purity in your own life

3. Play the long game

Trust God in this. It's His work, anyway.